CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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