I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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