Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
