Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
