I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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