I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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