Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
40s are totally the cure
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
