u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
