He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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