Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
