oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize