The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
