You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
