So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
