Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
