Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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