Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
