John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize