so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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