Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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