george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
