His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
