i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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