You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
