i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
