threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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