omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
