Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
