you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
