We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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