The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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