i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
