Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
