Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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