so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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