I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
