If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
