i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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