the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
