she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, beer. Big fan.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
