If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
