you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
