i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
