it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
