32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am one with the molecules
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
