My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
