I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
