worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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