I'm jealous of your bromance
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
