A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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