My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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