do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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