She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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