okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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