I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
