You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
