I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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