The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
