Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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