I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize