Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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