A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
