DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
