32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
