dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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