So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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