So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
