Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I stole a fireplace last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
