ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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