You're so nebulous sometimes
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize