sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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