We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
