Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
