i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
