So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
