i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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