hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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