Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
