Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize