I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
