We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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