I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
