found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
