If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
