things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
