I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize