Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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