I heard we made out
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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