The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
