I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
