FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
