I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
