dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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