It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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