the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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