I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My bed smells like the plague
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
