I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
